I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
