I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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