And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
