Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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