and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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