And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
