I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
