To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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