Betty ford says i'm here all night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
