I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
