i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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