you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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