Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
