You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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