My room smells like vodka and shame
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
