Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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