Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
