Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Everyone says I win the strip club
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
