You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
