Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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