She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
