You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
