How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
pray to the hookup gods
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am available for nakedness
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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