its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
