you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
