just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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