Porn is love you can see.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
