I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
