Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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