I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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