There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cockslap morals
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
