Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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