I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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