Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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