I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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