Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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