I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
