I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
