I am puke
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.