So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.