so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.