i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.