My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...