he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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