my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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