so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
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There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
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Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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