i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
