how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
