All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and she was petting her beer can
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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