apparently the secret to your success is patron
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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