If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
