In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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