I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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