Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
