When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
