CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
