There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
