At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
