No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
