he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You ruined the universe
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
