So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
