He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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