I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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