I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
