how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
