A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
this is an emotional support booty call
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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