you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
