I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
