You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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